Post by cluelessin916 on Dec 27, 2013 20:54:49 GMT
I'm 48 and just now coming to grips with a thing that an older boy did to me when I was ten. I have always felt I was gay, but I also never believed I could be loved or that men were capable of being in love with me or anyone. Now that I can feel my whole life and what is real to me, I know that, while I am certainly not effeminate in any way, I have needs that frighten me. I hope for a partner; a man who can be stronger than me, who likes that I want to talk about stuff and learn who each other is, who enjoys that I like to make a home and being more receptive. I have grown kids and have had to be tough and angry all my life, and now I know I mostly like being a bottom, and being supportive. I'm so scared that I'm not a real man because of these feelings. I love the feelings themselves, but I am so ashamed to be honest about them because I'm afraid they make me not a guy and I love being a guy. I'm so clueless and ashamed.