Post by lambabamba on Jan 3, 2017 3:24:02 GMT
Hello
So, I don't know if I'm in the right place or should be here, but I couldn't help but say something that's been on my mind tonight that really made me sort of mad. I don't know if it was unhealthy to be mad or maybe I just didn't want to accept any truth in the matter. I just want to tell you that I'm an ally of this community. I definitely hold idealistic views of love and sexuality. If I could have it my way, I would want everyone who has ever been in love or has loved a member of the LGBT community to be happy without having to be insecure and questioning about their relationship or without having discrimination and awful judgment of their relationship. It wouldn't make a difference of the sexual and romantic identities of the couple in the relationship. People would not be so quick and harsh to judge it.
No relationship is perfect, because everyone has flaws and issues and deals with conflict of some kind. If there's anything I hate, it's between ignorance about this community or just discrimination. I can't speak for everyone and no one should do that. It's not a good habit and it wouldn't hurt to be more open minded. I don't see how that's a bad thing. I am very open minded about the LGBT community because I chose to gain awareness of it and I see love as love. I don't like to judge relationships. My parents told me I'm closed minded that I have this belief that everyone should be open minded about this exact topic, but honestly, I don't see why that would be such a bad thing. I do understand that people are going to have different views on this, but there's no need to discriminate a relationship that doesn't exactly conform to your own box and your own perception of the world. I mean, what difference does it make to you what another couple does or doesn't do? A person can speak from personal experience and be around this community for decades and still be so confused about it all. I know there weren't always words and labels for every identity in the LGBT community, but the world changes and I think people should be able to feel like they are safe identifying themselves the way they want to identify. The people who are discriminant of the LGBT community may speak their thoughts to other people who think like them or not, but they probably wouldn't have the balls to speak in such tone to a member of the LGBT community. Perhaps they choose not to seek answers to their questions or they don't reach out to those people. I don't see what harm it would do because there is a whole community out there that could gladly help them understand or at least know what the identities mean and how people come out etc... I can't even say the word bisexual to my parents without them getting offended.
I was trying to discuss a heterosexual having a romantic/sexual relationship with a non-heterosexual person or even someone who isn't completely sure where they lie on that spectrum. I could see conflict with this given that the heterosexual would be insecure and questioning their relationship and of the person they're dating. A relationship like this my parents said is unlikely to last a lifetime or work out in general. Ok, I can see that, but if it's true love, maybe there's hope that it could work somehow. I guess if it were me, and a lesbian wanted to date me, I'd have to turn her down because I'm not attracted to girls like that, but that's fine. If it were a bisexual or a transgender or another identity, I'd have to give it more thought. Let's break it down to someone that has been with men in the past, assuming that they're male or are transitioning to a male/female. Given that they had been with men, would I question their commitment to me? Yeah, but does it mean I couldn't possibly love this person? No. Like I said, I'd have to give it some thought on whether I could be with this person or not. It could result in disappointment and unhappiness, but what if it could work? I bet you my parents would think something was wrong with me somehow. In the end, I would want my peers and my family to like my partner, but if they're going to be disgusted by the fact my partner has been with men in the past and is now with me, I guess I would have to choose not to let that affect me or my relationship with my partner.
My parents questioned bisexuality because of a show we watched. The guy identified as bisexual but seemed to have a stronger preference to guys. That's when identity confusion came up. I only mentioned how some people question their identity and my parents got so mad. Their response was due to the fact that they have never been confused about their identity and they don't know anyone like that. They know some lesbian/gay people, but they have never known a lesbian/gay couple to have a relationship for a lifetime. Maybe they were also referring to bisexuals as well and other identities. I don't know. They were trying to act as if they can speak for everyone'd experiences and everyone's relationships. It sure seems like the gays/lesbians have had experiences where they had been with the opposite sex for a long time and then realized their true self and fell in love with someone with the same sex later on after many many years. Maybe they had children in past relationships. A number of things could have happened that delayed their chances of being with the partner of their true preference or attraction. It's not fair to say that a relationship will never work. I don't know any research or statistics on the failed relationships between members of the LGBT community or between say, a heterosexual and a non-heterosexual. I don't know, all of this ignorance and just discrimination makes my heart sad. I just want to have a discussion with my family about this stuff without it turning into a fight, thinking that somehow I dismiss their views and don't take in the account of conflict in these relationships. That wasn't what I was going for. I wish they'd go to a panel of LGBT members and just talk to them and ask them questions. It would help or be a little better that way if they sought out these people and just learned instead of being so god damn blind.
Anyways, I want to know your views on this as well. I would like to chat with people who have gone through identity confusion and their experience in relationships. Did it work out somehow? When did you know your true identity and why do you think you didn't know who you were? Would you take a risk in dating someone outside of your comfort zone? How could you make it work?
I guess, my point is if love were just blind, or ideal, it'd be to just love someone without worrying so much about who they've been with when, how they identify etc... just love this person and if it's a real love, then I say fight for it.
So, I don't know if I'm in the right place or should be here, but I couldn't help but say something that's been on my mind tonight that really made me sort of mad. I don't know if it was unhealthy to be mad or maybe I just didn't want to accept any truth in the matter. I just want to tell you that I'm an ally of this community. I definitely hold idealistic views of love and sexuality. If I could have it my way, I would want everyone who has ever been in love or has loved a member of the LGBT community to be happy without having to be insecure and questioning about their relationship or without having discrimination and awful judgment of their relationship. It wouldn't make a difference of the sexual and romantic identities of the couple in the relationship. People would not be so quick and harsh to judge it.
No relationship is perfect, because everyone has flaws and issues and deals with conflict of some kind. If there's anything I hate, it's between ignorance about this community or just discrimination. I can't speak for everyone and no one should do that. It's not a good habit and it wouldn't hurt to be more open minded. I don't see how that's a bad thing. I am very open minded about the LGBT community because I chose to gain awareness of it and I see love as love. I don't like to judge relationships. My parents told me I'm closed minded that I have this belief that everyone should be open minded about this exact topic, but honestly, I don't see why that would be such a bad thing. I do understand that people are going to have different views on this, but there's no need to discriminate a relationship that doesn't exactly conform to your own box and your own perception of the world. I mean, what difference does it make to you what another couple does or doesn't do? A person can speak from personal experience and be around this community for decades and still be so confused about it all. I know there weren't always words and labels for every identity in the LGBT community, but the world changes and I think people should be able to feel like they are safe identifying themselves the way they want to identify. The people who are discriminant of the LGBT community may speak their thoughts to other people who think like them or not, but they probably wouldn't have the balls to speak in such tone to a member of the LGBT community. Perhaps they choose not to seek answers to their questions or they don't reach out to those people. I don't see what harm it would do because there is a whole community out there that could gladly help them understand or at least know what the identities mean and how people come out etc... I can't even say the word bisexual to my parents without them getting offended.
I was trying to discuss a heterosexual having a romantic/sexual relationship with a non-heterosexual person or even someone who isn't completely sure where they lie on that spectrum. I could see conflict with this given that the heterosexual would be insecure and questioning their relationship and of the person they're dating. A relationship like this my parents said is unlikely to last a lifetime or work out in general. Ok, I can see that, but if it's true love, maybe there's hope that it could work somehow. I guess if it were me, and a lesbian wanted to date me, I'd have to turn her down because I'm not attracted to girls like that, but that's fine. If it were a bisexual or a transgender or another identity, I'd have to give it more thought. Let's break it down to someone that has been with men in the past, assuming that they're male or are transitioning to a male/female. Given that they had been with men, would I question their commitment to me? Yeah, but does it mean I couldn't possibly love this person? No. Like I said, I'd have to give it some thought on whether I could be with this person or not. It could result in disappointment and unhappiness, but what if it could work? I bet you my parents would think something was wrong with me somehow. In the end, I would want my peers and my family to like my partner, but if they're going to be disgusted by the fact my partner has been with men in the past and is now with me, I guess I would have to choose not to let that affect me or my relationship with my partner.
My parents questioned bisexuality because of a show we watched. The guy identified as bisexual but seemed to have a stronger preference to guys. That's when identity confusion came up. I only mentioned how some people question their identity and my parents got so mad. Their response was due to the fact that they have never been confused about their identity and they don't know anyone like that. They know some lesbian/gay people, but they have never known a lesbian/gay couple to have a relationship for a lifetime. Maybe they were also referring to bisexuals as well and other identities. I don't know. They were trying to act as if they can speak for everyone'd experiences and everyone's relationships. It sure seems like the gays/lesbians have had experiences where they had been with the opposite sex for a long time and then realized their true self and fell in love with someone with the same sex later on after many many years. Maybe they had children in past relationships. A number of things could have happened that delayed their chances of being with the partner of their true preference or attraction. It's not fair to say that a relationship will never work. I don't know any research or statistics on the failed relationships between members of the LGBT community or between say, a heterosexual and a non-heterosexual. I don't know, all of this ignorance and just discrimination makes my heart sad. I just want to have a discussion with my family about this stuff without it turning into a fight, thinking that somehow I dismiss their views and don't take in the account of conflict in these relationships. That wasn't what I was going for. I wish they'd go to a panel of LGBT members and just talk to them and ask them questions. It would help or be a little better that way if they sought out these people and just learned instead of being so god damn blind.
Anyways, I want to know your views on this as well. I would like to chat with people who have gone through identity confusion and their experience in relationships. Did it work out somehow? When did you know your true identity and why do you think you didn't know who you were? Would you take a risk in dating someone outside of your comfort zone? How could you make it work?
I guess, my point is if love were just blind, or ideal, it'd be to just love someone without worrying so much about who they've been with when, how they identify etc... just love this person and if it's a real love, then I say fight for it.