Just need advice

[apocalypticrepo]

Hi, I'm an openly lesbian woman, but recently I've noticed that I no longer find things like dresses & skirts & whatnot appealing. I have the body of a female, but I feel like I have the mind of a male. I'm not sure how to describe it, but when I see videos & stories about transgender teens & what they feel, I identify most with them out of any others in the LGBTQ community. And it sorta scars the hell out of me, but I've identified as a female for the longest time until recently when I started to picture myself as male. I just... I'm not sure what I need. Advice doesn't seem to cover it & sympathy isn't the goal either. Help?

[wildcharlie51]

I had the same thing happen to me but I identified as a hetrosexual woman for the first 35 years of my life and I never even thought of being male until another person in a Star Trek chat room asked me if I would play Spock to her McCoy. I started out that way and I enjoyed it immensely enough to create another male character in order to write with a Star Trek group I had come upon. By that time I had teamed up with another woman and actually took her as my online girlfriend for this character, By that time I had to admit I felt completely comfortable in the role of a male and had begun to fantasize about doing this in reality but I thought that I couldn't for some reason. I got interested in another type of group in my real life and that led me to buying some books that were recommended reading for that group and I found a character that was the main character of that series of books was FTM. That was the big secret of these novels. That's when I found out that I wasn't alone in my feelings of maleness. I started thinking about it really hard while my marriage fell into divorce and after he was gone I started making plans to become male because it felt the most comfortable to me. I had always been male in my mind I realized and even a lot of my childhood was played with the boys and not the girls. I realized that I had always thought of girls as other. I never felt comfortable going to their houses to play and always played Ken to their Barbies just to get through, So there it was staring me in the face that I was transgendered and that was who I was all this time. That's why I always felt sort of "outsider" all my life. Not only was I am only child which kept me at a distance from others because I was ok on my own but also that I couldn't identify with either one or the other of the sexes too much. Now I was 41 before I fully accepted myself as male and so I began to make that a reality instead of a dream or roleplay. I went to a psychologist first and she told me that it was ok to be this way and gave me the name of a Dr. here in Dallas that would help me. I went to that Dr. and he said he would just fix me right up and he gave me my first testosterone shot after hearing my story. Well the world changed for me right then and there.I didn't feel so "wrong" anymore and instead I felt like I was supposed to all of this time. I was male and in the subsequent months I started to change at an exponential rate. When I started to grow my mustache and knew I couldn't hide it at work anymore I went to the owner of the company and told him and he said that it didn't have anything to do with my job and the customers and the other employees would just have to get used to it. Granted I had a very understanding owner of a company and that helped tremendously. Now it's ten years later and I have since changed jobs multiple times and all in all I have had good luck with being under the radar even though I haven't changed my papers to reflect my malehood. People just don't look at paperwork too hard I guess but anyways, that is my story. Not advice not sympathy. Just my story for you to think about. Now I'm never with men but I have always, since changing to male, been with females. The thing about dating women is that I have found that a lot of women don't really care about the penis side of a man. They just want to be thought of as someone special to a man so I never tell anyone unless it comes the time to be intimate with someone. I guess I have had good luck this way as I date straight women because yes, some lesbians feel that you are male now and they don't want to have anything to do with you sexually. That's ok though. There are a lot of straight females out there that need love and care and they don't give a damn at the point that they are going to be intimate if you have a penis, they just think something of you or they wouldn't be around you anyways. Women, remember, most time don't even care what you look like. They just want to be near you if they think something of you. Hope this helped.