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Post by AmbaLaBamba on Aug 24, 2010 9:40:55 GMT
I went to my first family funeral yesterday (Monday), and I thought I would share some words here so I can get some things off my chest. So here goes...
My Gran, or Great Gran was 99 years old when she died on Friday 13th of Aug. I had been fine about her passing all this time until I saw members of my family carrying her coffin in to the chapel yesterday afternoon, then I just seemed to break down. The fact that I had never been to a funeral before and the fact that I had never seen a coffin so close might have also contributed to it.. who knows?
All I know is, even though we weren't very close I'm very sad about it. This is one experience I don't think I will ever be able to forget. Anyone here remember their first funeral, and how they felt during?
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Post by amoeba on Aug 25, 2010 0:55:33 GMT
My sincerest condolences for your loss.
Being in a new situation, especially one as emotionally intense as a funeral can cause unexpected reactions. People can absorb others emotions very easily, especially the ones of those they love. Seeing your family in mourning clearly had a deep effect on you. You are undoubtably a deeply compassionate and empathetic person who cares very much for her family.
The first funeral I can really remember was my great aunts, she was sixty-something. She died of a heart attack caused by complications with the meds she was taking, possibly involving alcohol.
It was an open casket funeral and the second I saw her lying in that coffin I had a full blown, out of control phobic attack, I wasn't even in the room, all I did was peek into the parlour. I was shaking, crying, I couldn't breathe, I went into the fetal position and was rocking, it was one of the worst experiences of my life, they practically carried me to the pews, I was fighting and crying the whole way. I had to sit there for 45 minutes having this phobic attack, hiding my face in my grandpa's arm before they finally closed it. After that it was a bit better, I felt so selfish, crying in fear, I heard everything, some long-lost relatives were muttering about how I was crying for my aunt, but really, I was just terrified.
My grandmother who I lived with my entire life died in April, she was 65 and died of cancer. My mom just mentioned that they might have an open casket and I just lost it, I had an attack I was screaming and bawling, and crying "no! no! no!" and my mom just told me not to be selfish. Thankfully, it was cremation that was the final decision, and that "freakout" was the most I cried, I hardly cried at all at the funeral.
My deepest regret is that I didn't have the chance to come out to my grandmother. It haunts me every day.
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