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Post by endlessautumn on Aug 24, 2010 2:02:31 GMT
Hey guys. Just looking for some help here. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost ten months now, and I love her with all of my heart - but there are a few problems in our relationship. As dearly as I love her, she's not very supportive. I was sexually assaulted in January of '09 and am still having a hard time dealing with it. When I told her about it, she told me that it was all my fault and to get over it now. But that's not the only case. My grandfather who was very close to me passed away in September (unexpectedly) and again, almost a year later, I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Once again, she tells me that I need to get over it and the fact that I'm hanging onto it angers her. I love her so much.. I just .. I don't know what to do. Every time I talk about these things and ask for a little support, it turns into an arguement. Help!
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Post by amoeba on Aug 25, 2010 1:33:20 GMT
It is a very difficult situation you're in.
I'm a little like your girlfriend in that I have difficulty dealing with emotional situations. I cannot deal with having a partner (no matter how valid the situation is) who is clinging to me dripping with emotional problems and trying to "share their burdens". On the flipside, I cannot go and drain my own emotions and issues onto my partner either. Because of this, I had to distance myself from my partner for over a month after my grandmother died. He blamed himself, and I felt extremely guilty for hurting him like that because of my own inability to let him support me.
She likely has issues with emotional situations. If she is the type who doesn't often share any difficult situations she's going through, or readily lean on you for support, then it's not necessarily something she can control, and its going to take a lot of work, and a lot of baby steps, before either of you can fully support the other.
As far as her telling you to "get over it" that is, as far as I'm concerned, a little too far. I think , for the time being, finding yourself some local support groups, one for dealing with loss, and one for sexual assault victims, would be a great benefit to you. Tell your girlfriend you are going to seek other support, you love her and you don't want to "burden her" and see what her response is.
Hope this helps, even just a little. Good luck to both of you.
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